Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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