i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
