Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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