the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
