He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize