meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Come on in and take your pants off
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
