I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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