i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
