I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
