I've blown a few things in my day
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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