she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
