Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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