I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
