if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
