exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
