i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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