I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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