no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
