That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
