Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
