I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
