Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
