The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
