My room smells like vodka and shame
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
