Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
