I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i think im in europe. pls send help
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
