Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
