dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize