Cold hands, warm shart.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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