Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
