and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize