I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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