After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I came so hard my ears popped.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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