Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
