Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
