p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
