Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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