your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
