I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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