the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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