How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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