bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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