Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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