in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize