u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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