Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
