you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
