ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
