I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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