have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
