Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
