someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
