About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
