I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
