I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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