i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
