the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
