When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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