You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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