i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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