Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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