I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
