unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
