That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
