Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
