I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
