I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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