I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
