Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
