You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My life is pants optional.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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