apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
