highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
