So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
