So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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