i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize