i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
